Mediation: Day Two

This is the second day of my meditation.  The instructions was to find the core of my breathing and to pay attention to my breaths.  It is a tricky thing for a restless mind to count only breaths just as Davich states.  In trying to count my breaths, I wonder if I have found the core of where my breathing comes from, whether it is from the bottom of my rib cage, where my stomach moves in and out, hollowed and the engorged, with breath, or whether the core lies just under the tip of my nose, where the air from my lungs comes rushing out only to be replaced by new air from outside my body.

But I have to remind myself, that I should not worry about these things.  The simple instruction is to count breaths, with hands on my knee and eyes closed. 

I set the timer on my phone which I forgot to remove from silent mode.  It should have been a reminder to me when eight minutes was up but served as a distraction instead, my mind wandering back to whether I had passed the eight minute mark.  And then, it didn’t matter because then I didn’t want to stop.  But if I didn’t stop, when would I ever stop, just listening to my breaths.

My mind felt active.  I think this is the only way to describe it.  Active and not at peace.  Tense.  I felt that I knew what I was doing.  I kept redirecting myself to the breathing and forgiving myself, but I longed for peacefulness and I longed to linger in the kind of peace that sitting still and counting breaths was bringing to me.

No alarm told me to stop, only the knowledge that I had done what was requested.  I went over three minutes, almost four.  I awoke slowly and kindly to my surroundings. 

Eight minutes is not a long time.